Welcome to Sportscenter. Hello again, folks, I’m Stuart Scott and joining me for the show is Chris Berman. Boomer – good to have you alongside – let’s get to the NBA playoff races in a minute. First what can you say about Augusta on day 1?
Berman: That it was wet? I’ve seen drier areas on a rain delay tarp at Fenway than on the fairways at the Masters today. Yes, Stuart, the big 4 are in town and oh, yes, 89 players joined them and teed off today in pursuit of the elusive green jacket. The start delayed by thunder and lightning for several hours as the patrons wait patiently for a Nicklaus or Tiger sighting. An American Ryder Cupper that played in the last group with Phil last year is on top – Chris “I’m going to leave my” Dimarco playing well again at Augusta. Stuart – you have some DiMarco highlights?
Scott: Maybe later, Boomer. First, let’s give the fans what they want and get to Tiger. He had what can only be called one of the best 2-over partial rounds in the history of Augusta. Here on 13, Tiger with 195 left after a huge drive and has some tree trouble to contend with from the pine needles under the trees. Tiger takes an aggressive play – stick it to the man, T – and laces a 6-iron under the trees that clears the water and gets to the back corner of the green. That has to be one of the best approach shots from the pine needles ever hit on 13 – phenomenal. Trouble for my guy T is that the pins on the right front so he’s got a bomb to make if he wants an eagle. He lines it up and gives it a great run, just missing on the high side, but what’s this?”
Berman: It goes back, back, back, and yes, folks, Tiger “I can’t believe that putt after hitting it out of the” Woods just putted into the water! You know, I played Pebble Beach at the AT&T and it takes some effort to putt one into the water. I’ve got no game, a hat that restricts my back swing, a hangover, and a gut that rivals Stadler’s and I can keep my putts out of the water and make the pro-am cut at Pebble. Come on, Tiger, what’s up with that?
Scott: Hey, get off my guy, Boomer. You got no game and Sluman carried your carcass all week. Besides, this isn’t about you, it’s Tiger grinding as only the 8-time major winner can. He drops at the spot of the putt and hits a beauty to set up a 2-putt bogey to minimize the damage – Tiger’s wicked smart to realize you don’t have to play out of the hazard, instead you can replay the shot with a penalty stroke. Pay attention all you aspiring Tigers out there – know the rules and you too can save shots.
Berman: Save shots? Stuart, he’s giving up 1 or 2 to the field by making 6 there. You didn’t take any math at Carolina? I thought that was required at Chapel Hill even for journalism majors?
Scott: Boomer, you are really into me tonight. I’m about to open up a can of whup – sorry, this is a family program, back to Tiger. Here he is on 14 trying to rebound from the 13th with a long birdie putt that … just … burns the edge. Man, that may be the best 1st putt the 14th green has ever seen.
Berman: Yeah, right, except for the one Phil made on Sunday last year to carry him to victory against Ernie. Stop with the Tiger hype – you’re killing me Stuart “F. Scott Fitzgerald” The more interesting highlight on 14 is this one of Tiger tapping in his 2-incher with a side-saddle look, which of course the PGA banned years ago when Sam Snead used something similar. We could go ... all ... the ... way ... to a rules violation, and the phone lines and web servers lit up as people wrote in with viewers indicating there should be 2-stroke penalty. Needless to say the boys at CBS were looking on closely as
Scott: Tiger was absolved of anything. Listen, that may be a 2-shot penalty if you’re Duval and have no game. But if you’re Tiger and you’re grinding, there’s no way that’s a penalty. Another bad break as Tiger has to discuss the topic with rules officials after the round – disrupting his routine even more than Mother Nature. Meanwhile, back on the course Tiger regroups and birdies 15 with a tremendous drive – maybe the best ever seen to the left rough on 15 – and a wedge to 20 feet, followed by an easy 2-putt birdie – and he’s back – boo-yeah! He finishes the front 9 at +2 and then the biggest crime of the century occurs at # 1 after Tiger makes the turn. He kills a drive
Berman: Wait, let me guess, the best drive # 1 has ever seen – I’m seeing a theme here
Scott: Whatever – T then pulls out his sand wedge – Boomer, sand wedge on a 435-yard hole from 90. Yeah, we learned ‘rithmetic at UNC – that’s 345 yard drive – boo-yeah! You’d be hitting sand wedge for your 4th from out there – and Tiger absolutely stripes it. He’s posing, staring it down, it’s right at the hole – he’s going to be in another Nike commercial after this goes in! And then, folks, watch this –
Berman: Boom! There it goes, right off the flagstick, and into the bunker! Par’ll be a lot of work from there, Tiger. And Eldrick very upset, nearly taking off Steve Williams’ head with the club toss. You can hear Tiger, “Sorry Steve – no worries, I’ll play the New Zealand Open for you again this year. Who’s your daddy, caddy?”
Scott: Oh, that’s cute Chris. I’m telling you, some DA somewhere should file charges. I’ve said for years that new technology is making flagsticks, not just courses, obsolete. We’re going to have to wrap them with Styrofoam or something – Tiger’s so good he actually hits the pin when he aims at it – that is more than just a little unfair.
Berman: If he’s so good, maybe he should aim two feet to the right of the pin so that doesn’t happen? Here’s Tiger’s bunker shot – tough one from a downhill lie – ooooh, and he semi-blades it to the back half of the green and takes two to get down from there, another bogey. I’ve hit better bunker shots than that!
Scott: Sure, after leaving it in there a few times. Without question, that bogey got inside Tiger’s head. He’s thinking “man, I stuffed it on 1, should’ve made birdie as I get to this par-5 I can birdie in my sleep – instead I make bogey and now I’m 6 back and it’s early and I’m hot”
Berman: And sleep he does, right through his tee ball – waking up just in time to take one hand off the club and hit a nasty duck hook. Boy, I hit ‘em better than that all week at Pebble. But that has got to be one of the best 150-yard tee shots # 2 has ever seen – right, Stuart?
Scott: You mocking me?
Berman: Me – never. How would you know? Speech communication majors don’t take acting classes at Carolina, do they? This is what he gets for smacking his headcover Frank in the head in that commercial for having a beer with a love interest – hell hath no fury like a headcover scorned. So here’s Tiger’s second from about 9 miles and he takes a mammoth cut at it trying to turn it around the corner. Unfortunately, this ball does not listen nearly as well as the one in the commercials and ends up in the pine needles on the right. Tiger now has the better part of 200 left for his third and puts a big old banana ball into the right bunker – birdie looking unlikely for El Tigre now.
Scott: But clearly what follows is one of the best up and downs # 2 has ever seen. Tiger, grinding as only he can, pops it out to 25 and drains the putt – boo-yeah! – to stay at 3 over. Tiger would then make par on # 3 to conclude his day at +2 through 12 holes. So in spite of all the bad breaks – the putt into the water on # 13, burning the edge on 14, hitting the flag and into the bunker at #1 – Tiger finishes in great position.
Berman: Sure, great position if you don’t mind watching Vijay and Phil throw up 68 and 70 to be at -4 and -2, not to mention DiMarco at -5. Remember, in the 3 Masters Tiger has won his first round score has been 70. The last 2 years he has had 76 and 75 and not been in contention. Tiger’s playing partners Darren “I can’t eat any more Clark bars or I’ll gain back my weight” had even-par 72 and Carlos “Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead” had 76 and will need something in the 60s tomorrow to keep his weekend hopes alive.
Scott: Man, you need a vacation Boomer – why do you have to throw all this negative energy at Tiger before he finishes round 1?
Berman: Negative energy – you want negative energy – how about DiMarco’s quote? When asked about Tiger’s putt on 13 and the flag-to-bunker adventure on 1, DiMarco said “He’s had his share of breaks in his career. That’s golf.” Tiger’s not going to get a lot of sympathy from the guys in front or behind him these days. So that’s enough Tiger highlights, here are some actual highlights from the leaders. Yes, there were some players in red figures today at Augusta ...
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